Tough Stuff

Hello friends.  I'll start this post tonight with a disclaimer.  We (Julie's family, but mostly me because I'm writing the posts) aren't going to sugar coat things on this blog.  Julie and Jeff are both terminally ill.  It's an ugly, depressing, gut-wrenching reality.  We are facing it head on and determined to fight with every ounce of our beings.  We (Julie's family, but mostly me because I'm writing the posts) tend to use humor to deflect our pain.  We (I) don't mean to come off flippant or crass, but sometimes we just have to let loose.  Additionally, nothing will be revealed in this blog that hasn't been discussed with Julie and/or Jeff beforehand. 

This morning Julie met with Dr. Verner and had her incision drained due to a massive infection.  He prescribed a new antibiotic and she should be feeling a little better in a matter of days.  Probably just in time to start chemo. :)  She still has little or no appetite, but it is imperative to her healing that she eats.  It is also imperative that she gets some exercise every day.  We will cut her a little slack while her incision continues to drain, but after that we're cracking the whip!  If you happen to pay her a visit in the next week or so, please ask her what she's had to eat, and if she'd like to go for a walk.  She might not appreciate your concern, but I promise you that's just her meds talking.

Today I had the privilege of being Jeff's date for his 3rd chemo treatment at MSTI.  Jeff's official diagnosis is Stage 3b (just a smidge better than stage 4) malignant melanoma that has metastasized to his lungs.  Similar to Julie, there is no cure, only treatment.  He has a 50% chance of living 5 years.  Don't ask me why they give numbers like that.  It's fair to say we all have similar odds of survival every single day.  Have you traveled Eagle Rd. lately?  You are probably beating the odds every time you survive THAT experience.

Jeff has been part of our family for almost as long as I can remember.  He and Julie started dating in high school, the summer before I began 7th grade.  I remember it distinctly because he was Julie's first serious boyfriend, and suddenly she had immense interest in long, drawn-out, lovey dovey phone conversations.  This was back before there were cell phones, call waiting, or anything like that.  Julie hogged the phone that entire summer and I'm still a little pissed about it.  My point is that although Julie and Jeff divorced last year, there is nothing 'ex' about his brother-in-law status.  He is as much a part of our family today as he was 26 (GASP!) years ago.  Granted, he made some very poor decisions along the way, and is the first to admit to his ridiculous, asinine, almost unforgivable behavior (including but not limited to drug addiction.)  He tried getting clean many times - in rehab and on his own, but always ended up using again.  It was last fall that Julie was finally done with all of it and to protect herself and her children filed for divorce.

In February of this year Jeff finally turned a corner.  He stopped using and began repairing and building a loving and trusting relationship with his children.  We were cautiously optimistic - but things were really looking up for the entire family.  Then one day in late April Jeff's boss commented on an ugly growth along the right side of Jeff's abdomen.  In typical Gauby fashion, Jeff poo-poo'd concerns until finally his boss made a doctor's appointment for him and drove Jeff there himself.  The rest - as they say - is history. 

In the beginning Jeff felt like his diagnosis was karma.  It was his payback for treating himself and his family so poorly for so long.  He was at peace with the entire process and felt like he was getting exactly what he deserved..... and six weeks later Julie was diagnosed, shooting his karma theory to hell.  I'm happy about that.  Nobody deserves this.  Nobody.

So today I sat in the chemo suite watching Jeff writhe, drip with sweat while his teeth chattered and he couldn't control his legs from shaking.  Vomiting violently while nurses scrambled to give him something to stop the nausea.  Jeff is one of the strongest people I have ever met - both mentally and physically.  It is absolutely disgusting and heart-breaking to watch him struggle.  This drug, Interferon, is evil.  He has already begun to process the 'quality of life' argument - the pros and cons of continuing treatment.  The Interferon only extends his life expectancy by 10 or 15%.  However, the first week of the drug is the worst, and those in the know promise each week after gets substantially better.  He will receive treatment for 4 consecutive weeks, 5 days a week.  With this drug there is a small silver lining.  If he responds well the first week - he doesn't have to take it the 2nd week.  Same with week 3 and week 4.  Potentially, if he survives this week he could be done with treatment.  Or, if it is working a little, doctors will back the dose down for the following week.

Please pray for Jeff.  Please pray that the Interferon is working - and that he can have some reprieve in the weeks to come.  Either reduced doses or skipping it all together.  Please pray for him during his final 2 treatments this week.  Please pray that Dr. Zuckerman will find the right drug or drug combination to stop his vomiting.  Please pray for Julie and that the infection in her abdomen will heal.  Pray that she has a good week before she starts chemo on the 13th.  Lastly, please keep Austin, Caitlin, and Mason in your prayers daily. 

with love,
jen